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Where I've Been, Where I Am, Where I'm Going

From Spring 2008 Adoptalk

By Roger

At 16, after spending five years in foster care, Roger moved in with the family who legally adopted him the day before he turned 17. Now 18, he wants to raise awareness about the importance and value of permanence for older youth in care. Through his poem, Roger wants to express hope and show that adoptive families can “help lighten the load” that many youth carry from their past.

I was born in a lonely, frigid hospital wing.
Parents were more wild than a bull in a china shop.
They came from different worlds.
They seemed as if it was a game played once,
Then put away to collect dust.
Siblings were mere images of our parents.
Shifting from city to city, home to home.
Numerous bottles of joy-juice
Spread like a farmer spreading manure over a pasture throughout our lives.
Mother was a sleepless object, never moving, always drunk.
Father was a sluggard
Who was always out, never seeing us.
Me always cooking, cleaning, caring for anybody but myself.
Never went to school, was like a father for all of my siblings.

School was very slow even though I went every day,
Learning came easy, grades not so good like an unknown food.
Always wondering when it would happen.
All of the lies, secrets, were a burden on my shoulders like Atlas and the globe.
One day, who knows when, Dominique didn’t return.
I worried and cried.
Then it happened so fast.
It was a blur, first at home then at the hospital.
Went to a foster home which was like living with Fidel Castro.
I moved to my aunt and uncle’s house.
My pent up anger was a volcano waiting to erupt,
Primitive, like a Neanderthal grunting indecipherably.
Then from there to treatment.
Finally, moving home forever.

Now I am in total control of my anger.
I am a senior in high school.
I am a studious student studying similes so I can succeed.
I collect facts as random as the Powerball.
I tend to be trivial like Alex Trebek on Jeopardy.
I want to go to college.
I want to be a nurse.
Now, I want to be more magnificent than the thought of being rich.
I am optimistic as a glass half full.

Later on in life I am on a pristine lake.
On a boat fishin’ wishin’ for that big one that just won’t come.
Just toyin’ with my line makin’ me mad.
“Just take the bait, you dumb fish!”
I yell out to nobody in particular.
I come home to a kitchen full of aroma
like a fragrant rose bush.
Then, the end comes.
I know I’m nearing it.
Then it comes like the weather, suddenly and not as violent.
I am with family and pets.
It is beautiful across the Pearly Gates.
Like they say the road is paved in gold
Like the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz.
I am welcomed warmly and not shunned away
like before I was moved from home.
My life may have started crappy
And always worrying about all of the shoots from the mother plant.
To a life lived to the fullest,
And more grand than the Queen of England and the Hope Diamond.
Well, my life has come to an end and I have enjoyed it immensely.

 


North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC)
970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106
St. Paul, MN 55114
phone: 651-644-3036
fax: 651-644-9848
e-mail: info@nacac.org
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